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So, I've needed to vent for awhile. I don't exactly have an outlet, and venting is better than bottling everything up until it explodes, right?
So then i decided, as easy as it would be to just let loose, think about how i'm feeling in my head, turn it around, and write what i can do about a situation, as opposed to just popping my cork.
So, self. Shall we refer to Maslow?
Physiological: Start eating better. You're in walking distance from food stores. Enough with this staring longing into the fridge, then walking away. A yogurt is not breakfast. A muffin when waiting for the bus...okay. I'll give you that.
Safety: Safety is good. Too safe..not so much. Self, it's time to start living a little more.At 22, stop worrying about being home at a certain time. Get out. Be a 22 year old. But that comes later in the hierarchy.
Okay, self. Here's the big one.
Love and Belonging. Pretty crucial. Like, in regards to well being and emotional stuff? Big.
You have friends. And as much as your LJ/Twitter/SPN girls make you smile and laugh, encourage you, and give you that sense of belonging, things you wish you had in real life...they are still...people typing on a screen. You need people. People need people. You need more than waking up, taking care of your dogs, going to class, coming home. You get the bus routes...its time to utilize it for more than going to class. Yeah, i know, scrimping dollars for fare is harder than you thought. But deal.
So you don't have the best relationship with your father anymore. Not like when you were young. But growing up, you needed more from a father than someone to make you laugh, and be your hero. You need someone to respect, to look up to, to trust. Someone you can believe in, and know that trusting in him, in what he says, does, and plans won't shatter you every time he breaks all of that in you.
Do you possibly see a pattern, self, in relationships? People you have loved and trusted for a long, long time. You give them the benefit of the doubt, make excuses for them. Give them a chance to change, even when it's not gonna happen. And where does it leave you? Depressed and lonely, closing off from anyone else who might get close.
That's not who you are, self. That's not your personality, or what nearly a decade of therapy taught you. And i'm disappointed in you. You should be disappointed in me, too.
Also, work on building your relationship with your sister, okay? If you suit up, and focus on what you need to do...you could be friends. You need someone like Heather, tough as she is sometimes. Just...cut her some slack, too. If she tells it how it is, don't let it upset you. You..kind of helped shape her, you know, even if she is older. She had to cope with your childhood by being stronger, and escaping.
Self Esteem: Is this what it has come to, self? That you feel pride in yourself when strangers leave encouraging comments on your stories about fictional characters? That for the first time in ages, your sense of pride came from praise from a professor? You do alot of good stuff, self. You have skills, but you're not going to remember that if you don't reach out to your hobbies and explore them.
Remember how animated you get talking about animals, or history..psychology...books. Just..remember that.
Possibly the biggest of all: Self Actualization.
Work on that the hardest, self. I feel like...that's going to be the building block to everything else.
All of this...do this for me, self. Do this for us.
These are just words on a screen, i know...but gather your cavalry. gather your support. For the love of God, make sure your meds are in order. I know its been what, a decade? You've fallen into a routine, but maybe something needs tweaking.
For today, focus on the now. You're a good student, but you know you've always had trouble with time management, and keeping on task. You know you always got easily overwhelmed.
But remember this, okay:
This is your last few days of summer class. You packed a semester of hard work, studying, writing into 5 weeks. You did that, and you rocked it. Got it?
Now..go clean your room
So then i decided, as easy as it would be to just let loose, think about how i'm feeling in my head, turn it around, and write what i can do about a situation, as opposed to just popping my cork.
So, self. Shall we refer to Maslow?
Physiological: Start eating better. You're in walking distance from food stores. Enough with this staring longing into the fridge, then walking away. A yogurt is not breakfast. A muffin when waiting for the bus...okay. I'll give you that.
Safety: Safety is good. Too safe..not so much. Self, it's time to start living a little more.At 22, stop worrying about being home at a certain time. Get out. Be a 22 year old. But that comes later in the hierarchy.
Okay, self. Here's the big one.
Love and Belonging. Pretty crucial. Like, in regards to well being and emotional stuff? Big.
You have friends. And as much as your LJ/Twitter/SPN girls make you smile and laugh, encourage you, and give you that sense of belonging, things you wish you had in real life...they are still...people typing on a screen. You need people. People need people. You need more than waking up, taking care of your dogs, going to class, coming home. You get the bus routes...its time to utilize it for more than going to class. Yeah, i know, scrimping dollars for fare is harder than you thought. But deal.
So you don't have the best relationship with your father anymore. Not like when you were young. But growing up, you needed more from a father than someone to make you laugh, and be your hero. You need someone to respect, to look up to, to trust. Someone you can believe in, and know that trusting in him, in what he says, does, and plans won't shatter you every time he breaks all of that in you.
Do you possibly see a pattern, self, in relationships? People you have loved and trusted for a long, long time. You give them the benefit of the doubt, make excuses for them. Give them a chance to change, even when it's not gonna happen. And where does it leave you? Depressed and lonely, closing off from anyone else who might get close.
That's not who you are, self. That's not your personality, or what nearly a decade of therapy taught you. And i'm disappointed in you. You should be disappointed in me, too.
Also, work on building your relationship with your sister, okay? If you suit up, and focus on what you need to do...you could be friends. You need someone like Heather, tough as she is sometimes. Just...cut her some slack, too. If she tells it how it is, don't let it upset you. You..kind of helped shape her, you know, even if she is older. She had to cope with your childhood by being stronger, and escaping.
Self Esteem: Is this what it has come to, self? That you feel pride in yourself when strangers leave encouraging comments on your stories about fictional characters? That for the first time in ages, your sense of pride came from praise from a professor? You do alot of good stuff, self. You have skills, but you're not going to remember that if you don't reach out to your hobbies and explore them.
Remember how animated you get talking about animals, or history..psychology...books. Just..remember that.
Possibly the biggest of all: Self Actualization.
Work on that the hardest, self. I feel like...that's going to be the building block to everything else.
All of this...do this for me, self. Do this for us.
These are just words on a screen, i know...but gather your cavalry. gather your support. For the love of God, make sure your meds are in order. I know its been what, a decade? You've fallen into a routine, but maybe something needs tweaking.
For today, focus on the now. You're a good student, but you know you've always had trouble with time management, and keeping on task. You know you always got easily overwhelmed.
But remember this, okay:
This is your last few days of summer class. You packed a semester of hard work, studying, writing into 5 weeks. You did that, and you rocked it. Got it?
Now..go clean your room
