Writers Block

[jay_moose]

So i therapized myself...dug into the trenches of cobwebs that make up my mind.

People often tell me, "You used to be such an amazing writer...do you still write?"

Former boss said, "I received glowing reccomendations from your boss in NY. She says you're quite the writer."

Dad says, "You never write poetry anymore. You wrote the most fantastic poetry. Write me a poem."

Poor zekkass  just wants a justly deserved drabble, a collaboration...anything.

So i wracked my brain, and came up with nothing...until Mom made a comment that made me have a very House Moment, or even Monk, when someone's comment spurs an epiphany.

I think...as much as i always enjoyed writing, part of me sees it as a negative thing.

I tended to write my best poetry during my depression, or when I just felt really low in life.

It was a running joke in my family. "Hey, you want me to write again? I'll need to be depressed! So? You want me to be depressed?"

- "Yes!"

And it's a joke. I actually started it. Then i wondered...

Is it possible for me to see writing as a negative? Would writing poetry now give my family some sort of pause...wondering if i wasn't just maybe a little depressed? It's not like they're the type to believe that...or say it. Mom might...but with all the shit that's been going down, i can't help but wonder...and worry if a poem or writing would concern them.

It's weird, i know. But when i sit down to write...a simple drabble, even, i actually start to feel anxiety, like there's a weight in my chest. And...nothing happens


(It's an actual phobia! But then again...what isn't...)

Graphobia

Comments

[utterlystrange.livejournal.com]

*hug* You're awesome no matter what!