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Had a scary experience yesterday when i went to see the play, A Touch of the Poet. I don't think it had ever happened before, and i don't think i'll be thinking of the term 'i was triggered' the same way again.
We were walking through the lobby to get to our seats, when i spotted a sign that said, 'ATTENTION: DURING THIS PERFORMANCE THERE WILL BE THE SOUND OF A GUNSHOT'
I don't know what happened, but the Lauren that had overcome obstacles, overcame anxiety over loud noises, vanished. I was a kid again, refusing to go in, pacing in circles, fidgeting, whimpering. Gone was the fact that i'm nearly 18, and my mother was calling for me to come, using a tone i hadn't heard in years. the "Lauren, i'm not taking this shit" tone. Nearly 18, and standing in the lobby of what was once Studio 54, withdrawn into myself, ignorant of the other theatergoers. Mom finally came and grabbed me by the arm, another thing she hadn't done in years, and rarely had to do. So i followed her, slowly, anxiety having taken over. I refused to go to my seat, pleading from the aisle. But i did go to my seat, and stood, begging to leave, clinging, whimpering. I went so far as to saying i didn't care if mom had to leave the show, i would not stay. I made myself physically sick from emotion, incoherent.
And then..it was like there was a click in my head.
I settled back, my tears were gone, i was relaxed. The younger me that i allowed to take over was gone. In a clear, calm voice, i apologized to my mother, and we discussed what happened in low whispers until the lights dimmed, and that was that.
It was scary, though. It gives a whole other understanding for "alternate ego." and it was eerily fitting to the play, about a man trapped in his glory days of war, 19 years after, seeing no other place. Aware of where he was, but ignorant. And when that man within him died, the Major, it took a sacrifice of his past to do so. And he'd lost 19 years of his life because of it.
We were walking through the lobby to get to our seats, when i spotted a sign that said, 'ATTENTION: DURING THIS PERFORMANCE THERE WILL BE THE SOUND OF A GUNSHOT'
I don't know what happened, but the Lauren that had overcome obstacles, overcame anxiety over loud noises, vanished. I was a kid again, refusing to go in, pacing in circles, fidgeting, whimpering. Gone was the fact that i'm nearly 18, and my mother was calling for me to come, using a tone i hadn't heard in years. the "Lauren, i'm not taking this shit" tone. Nearly 18, and standing in the lobby of what was once Studio 54, withdrawn into myself, ignorant of the other theatergoers. Mom finally came and grabbed me by the arm, another thing she hadn't done in years, and rarely had to do. So i followed her, slowly, anxiety having taken over. I refused to go to my seat, pleading from the aisle. But i did go to my seat, and stood, begging to leave, clinging, whimpering. I went so far as to saying i didn't care if mom had to leave the show, i would not stay. I made myself physically sick from emotion, incoherent.
And then..it was like there was a click in my head.
I settled back, my tears were gone, i was relaxed. The younger me that i allowed to take over was gone. In a clear, calm voice, i apologized to my mother, and we discussed what happened in low whispers until the lights dimmed, and that was that.
It was scary, though. It gives a whole other understanding for "alternate ego." and it was eerily fitting to the play, about a man trapped in his glory days of war, 19 years after, seeing no other place. Aware of where he was, but ignorant. And when that man within him died, the Major, it took a sacrifice of his past to do so. And he'd lost 19 years of his life because of it.
